Thursday, January 31, 2008

Happy HAPPY DAY ppl (:

-Pink&Black

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5:55 AM

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

today is my beloved RAIHAN's bday ((:
so, HAPPY SWEET 16TH GIRL!
aww hope you had a good one even though you havent fully recovered :D

okay, this is gonna be like short cause well, i gtg study for the manymany upcoming tests/exams/o levels :/
and mr ravi's being just plain crazy by giving us so much (rly, its alot) of hmwk to be completed in a super short time ://

i wanna drop one subj. cause i realise im not rly confident of taking 9 subjs, when my other friends are alr dropping stuff and taking only 7. but i rly cant decide one. i hate the school for not letting me drop elect humans >;(
(loll sorry hanna+aqilah+sharah for tolerating me for that whole hour )

today is pizza day btw. i had four slices of pizza today :0
but bday girl got more. (:

-Pink&Black

OH, i found out another interesting(?) thing also. and i literally gasped out loud and went like 'WHAAAATTTTT?'
ok, stupid, its not even such a big thing. but as yknow, im such a selfish girl, i dont like to share >;(
okay, im being stupid. oh what a weird way to end off the day.

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6:32 AM

Monday, January 28, 2008

today adlina made my day :D
hahah cause yessss she found my specs and i was literally jumping in excitement. finally the whole mega search is o-v-e-r. :DD

have 3 tests this week. what a b-u-m-m-e-r. but then agn, im suddenly so immune to all these. lessons seem to go like zooooom zooooom too. (not so bad like last yr)

i suddenly found THE SONG. hahah, just so you know, by jesse mccartney. i know, its so random cause we were walking out of sch and i suddenly had tt sudden...(er well, idk what you call it)
but anyhow, its the besttt i couldnt stop being high and swaying to it. :D

and well, i found out smth...shocking/surprising from aqilah today. the last thing i thought i would hear :0

and anws speaking of jnrs, i came across these few sec1 mly girls' blogs. and OMG no offence. i nvr rly did have any bad impression of them. until i started to read their blogs, post by post. like one, is so damn despo/snr crazy. the other is so minahhh. the other is also snr crazy too. and the other other one is ALSO snr crazy too.
reminds me of the class discussion we had during mly.
i like, cause its issues close to me heart ((:
but aww, cikgu farah's going away alr ):

okay my posts nowadays are just getting emptier and...emptier.
im off to mug for hist/amath/emath now.
impossible? there's no such word baby :D

-Pink&Black

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus]

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

[Chorus]

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5:34 AM

Saturday, January 26, 2008

im very much in love with - because i think that -'s really awesome :D
not forgetting how cute and pretttttyyyyyy - look ((:
i can seriously just go gaga at the sight of -.
hahah, i can even get excited just by the thought of -.
i think im going crazy if i dont fulfill my desires soon.

(p.s. im talking bout cupcakes. HOHO dont think dirtyyyy.)

i have this craving for apricots(agn). as in, real apricots.i rly want those that i saw at tanglin mall the other day. there was like this whole rack full of apricots. like plain, sugared, dried etcetc. well, i wanted to get the sugared and coconut one at first but decided not to, cause the price is like, four times more ex than the usual dried ones (yeah i could get a whole big box of pop tarts with tt money!) :0
BUT STILL, it looks so good, with the sugar and coconut yumyum.

okay, this post is so random (and foody).
i came across these pics ((:
:

awesome cuties. i rly do miss blgps!

aye, this pic is da KeWlZxZ (LOL)

HAHAHA GUESS WHO GUESS WHO!!
(she does somehow look like adlina this way, rightrightright!!)

Sang Kancil (:

cant rmb which yr.

gee1 umbrella!!

everlasting memories (:

HAHAH creztrack '05.

the awesome listener

dah-deeeey!

the long high scary ladder at ledang:0

guess who agn (!!)

i was scared shit. no kidding.

HAHAH i was such a good guai girl. this one was during earlier part of sec1 i think.

now i see a different you. where'd you go?

i miss, i miss! ): she promised to come back and visit us agn )):

awesome ppl (: pbmc pic '05

KISS GOODBYE (((:

raya-ing with 2g1!

hahaha i wont forget that awesome day

dikir mannn!!!

angklung last time!

awwww me and dearest sabby (ohmyy i almost forgot i used to call her that!)

my life's as boring as it is.
im amusing myself with little things. sigh
i came across many pics today, and i like (:
im totally in love with cupcakes :D
hahaha sorry, i rly cant contain myself. NYAHAHA.

-Pink&Black

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5:25 AM

Friday, January 25, 2008

If I were a painter, mixing my colors
How could I ever find, the blue of your eyes?
The canvas could never, capture the light of your smile
Of your smile

And girl, if I were a sculptor, working in marble
I couldn't hope, to copy your perfect face
The curve of your body, the feel of your skin
My hands could never, ever trace

So I'll try and find a melody as beautiful as you
Find the words to say your eyes are bluer than blue
Fill my voice with the emotion I'm feeling for you
And now, when the beat is so strong
I'll give my heart in a song

Oh girl,If I were an actor, I could be someone
Someone who'd always know, the right things to say
But as soon as I'd see you, I'd forget all my lines
And you'd never know, what I feel inside

There's no other way
That I know to say
Baby, how much I love you
And if you'll only give me a chance
Oh girl
I'll give my heart in a song

You know I'm not a painter, actor, baby
It don't matter
I'll give my heart in a song
Oh, you're so beautiful
Give you my heart in a song
I'll do, I'll do what I do
You know why, why?
Your eyes are bluer than blue
Uh huh, yeah,I said I'll do what I do
I'll do, I'll do what I do
You know why, why?
Your eyes are bluer than blue
Uh huh, yeah,I said I'll do what I do...
-
old songs are always very nice to listen to.
i love the way the memories will just come flooding back.

-Pink&Black

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7:01 AM

bliss.
im aware of the fact that my mly is not strong and getting an A1 is simply pure joy.
i cried. well, almost everyone did.
i realised, i dont have much confidence. grahhhhh.
but still, alhamdulillah ((:
and congrats to kakak toooooo ((:

actually, this week wasnt THAT BAD after all.
(but i didnt say that its NOT bad)
i guess i was pms-ing. like really badly. this is bad.

i dont have much to say here actually.
just that im a freaking 1/2 mark away from passing my bio :/
but who cares! hahaha im not even expecting to pass in the first place.
so thats quite a good achievement (:

plus, im rly proud of last yr's sec4 snrs.
really good job dude (:
but that means too, that they are expecting better results from our batch.
more like a must than an option, yknow what i mean?

okay, my life's like so routined nowadays its always the same thing over and over again. i think even birds have more interesting lives than we do, dont cha think? but yay yay i just completed all my damn math hmwk and im so darn proud of myself!

oh speaking of math, i L.O.V.E. ms chua :D
haha she's the bestest teacher around (so far, minus Cikgu K, The Awesome One)
cause today, i was falling asleep in class. and sitting right in front i think she can tell that i was trying my best to concentrate and stay awake. so so she actually gave me a sweet to eat in class and everyone was whining that they want one too. NYAHAHA!
hahah awesome, she really wants to help us, i can tell.

oh my, such a contradiction to Mrs T. :/
i still insist that i write a complaint letter to the sch about her.

firstly, she have lost a number of ppl's hmwk, including mine. then she insist that she 'did not get any' whn i actually handed in to her personally. wth. (thanks to mdm loke for vouching for me, cause she says that im a GOOD GIRL and that she believes me! :DD)

second, the way she thinks she's trying to 'encourage' us is so...not the way.
like how today she was telling us bout this girl who got 21 for her l1r5, and telling all about her. michelle got so pissed, but she's not the only one.
and like how, she demoralizes us so badly. i dont even wish to put it down here. im too ashamed, really. (s3, noone's gonna pull us down okay. i believe in you guys.)
even when other teachers do demoralize us sometimes, i have nvr seen ath worse. honestly.

thirdly, she's so freaking rude. like bout the incident i said about just now, how can she just tell bout ppl's mistakes just like that?! she even mentioned the name and everything bout her. like, if you're that girl, wont you feel pissed/ashamed/disappointed. i know, i get her intention, but rly, its just not the way okay.
and how she demoralizes us, the way she put it into words, OUCH. there wasnt even any mannerism in the way she says it.
ALSO (this i rly cant stand), she's always bossing mdm loke around like some maid. really.
even though mdm loke's older than her and is like a snr teacher, i dont see her showing any respect at all dude. esp when she said "mdm loke can you keep quiet" everyone was rly shocked i tell you.

if anyone, esp the teachers, read this. you cant punish me or watsoever for this. cause im not showing any biased opinion or stating rude things. its really the cold hard facts. sad no?
yes, life's that sad (during emath :/)

ooooh and and HEHEHE i passed my amath test! such a good miracle i tell you. the only passes i ever get last yr was seriously just borderline passes.

ok this is such a super long post. i must be happy to be blogging this much.
okay okay im off to do more math now.
byeee!

OH and to my beloved RAIHAN, do get well soon okay.
how am i supp to survive lessons, esp math, w/o you?! ):

-Pink&Black

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5:44 AM

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

my heart feels heavy and burdened.
literally. no kidding yo.

its either,
1.) imthisclosetogoingcrazy
OR
2.) i am alr crazy

you choose.

i rmbed what i told adlina some time ago.
and what i told mona too a few months back.
and also what i have been telling Mad Hatter all along.
today, its smth which i felt like telling all over agn to the world.
cause when i say enough is enough, i really mean it.

im gonna follow liy's good example.
preferably detach myself till i get well/better.
but well, i think detach-ing myself from everything makes more sense.

-Pink&Black

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4:54 AM

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

emotions got the better of me.
im at a loss of words.
haunting.
thats it,
haunting.
not coming back till i get some control.

It's written all over your face
Such a painful thing to waste
Tell me now where do we go?
Now the future's not so clear
I can't believe we've ended here
Where's the world that doesn't care?
Maybe I could meet you there

-Pink&Black

(p.s. lollipops make my day, anytime.)

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6:05 AM

Monday, January 21, 2008

im having the blues today.
results out this thurs.
if i do well(a1), im going for csp.
other than that (a2 and below), i shall just skip or go for angklung.
to the comfort of friends.
tried to write a nice post, but oh so unproductive
cause the days are getting longer and people are getting older.
i dont make sense.

im alr missing strawberry lolli )):
& obviously,
i miss dearest rachie ))):
how much i miss those days.
when we would just talk to each other about anth and everything under the sky.
where we would pour out our secrets. and let go of everything.
undeniable, but distance really strain friendships.
you're a memory i'll hold forever sweetheart.
come back soon, cause you dont know, you wont know, how much im missing you.
cause lately it seems, the distance between us is growing too wide.

-Pink&Black

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6:38 AM

Sunday, January 20, 2008

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when you're mad cause you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway

Here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you,
I love you anyway

Here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what

(awesome, really)
-
im rly (times infinity) depressed/scared/anxious over my o level mly results this fri. i know, its only mly. but im freaking out.
cause i know that well, sad to say, but its like i didnt put in my all into the paper. sucks.
angklung tmr. what a bummer. serious thoughts of ponning to study/do hmwk/_______ but wth. i've been skipping too much.
im heading to bukit timah alone next week. i like going around alone (at times), makes me feel good.
do a lil bit of exploration. just pray for me that i wont get lost.
plus, my beloved phone's been sent for repair (i waited 2 fucking hrs man)
)):
my feet hurts (stupid pumps) and i look oh so lost and flushed in town just now, while i was walking alone.
sundays are not exactly nice days, i must say.
might not be blogging next week. schedule's really tight.
and im really finding joy in blocking and unblocking ppl repeatedly now.
stupid way to cure this zombie-ness. ha ha im turning insane.

ok so once again, such a senseless post. im going out of my mind.
sooner or later im gonna turn into a zombie.

-Pink&Black

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7:09 AM

Saturday, January 19, 2008

personal
i know liy loves to write stuff in my cute notebook. (heh heh)
and she wrote this, which i keep reading to myself over and over agn, everyday. cause its just so...sweet
-
im not good in my actions, but i dont think words can do any justice.
i wish i was talented.
i wish i could fold you straw hearts and store them into jars.
i wish i could fold a million paper cranes for you.
i wish i could write you flawless poems;
book you surprises to see you smile again,
piggyback you past strawberry fields,
drop you love notes and scribble love songs on your arms.
play in the rain with you, splash puddles and ruffle your wet hair.
send flowers to your doorstep, chase you in rounds,
catch you when you fall.
the sun is you;
and the sunshine is the way you make me fall so deeply for you.
my life is beautiful. because you're flawless (ily)
16, but still a dreamer anw
-

i need to let go, of everything and almost anything.
pretending as if i dont care; when im actually asking myself questions inside.
looking at you from far; and look away when you look my way.
acting all neutral; when my heart is actually doing little somersaults inside.
maintaining my cool; when its really driving me nuts.
getting little gifts for you; and turning away and changing my mind when im right behind.

if there's gonna be many more such girls in the near future, i might just be turning bi (loll kidding!!) im straight. (see the contradiction there?)

i need to zoom in, focus on whats right and whats wrong.
i know i can be contradicting at times.
if you ask me, i wont deny it. that i can be very religious at times.

so 4th feb, i hope by then its nth.
that by then, i'll just look back and laugh at it.
and think, how sillier i could get.
people say its hard to let go, of anything actually, but i shall make this the easiest (:

so if im rich enough, i would buy for you an island.
or if thats not enough for you, maybe i could buy this whole world for you.
if only im rich enough
(inserts awwwww here!)

okay, this post is so senseless, if you ask me.
& lately, i've been finding peace of mind in drawing.
i love pencils alot now.

-Pink&Black

APPLES!
7:00 AM

okay, i just feel like updating for the past week.
cause ohwell, so drama. hahah.

lets start off with today.
my parents are so...weird. they each called me up just because i forgot to take my pocket money from them. been a few days. and they sound like very panicky. HAHA i wont die pls.
emath in the morn was darn productive i must say. glad.
aisyah joined us for brunch.
so me, siti, raihan, ain and liy went to lido (AGAIN AND AGAIN)
met nadiah malik agn too. lol.
ain left, aisyah left. supp to meet amira but OHWELL.
headed off to np after that. saw adlina<3 (:
and saw kaiqi too ((:
i still think np's way better than sp. ignore the fact that the journey up and down the long stretch of slope tire us to death, with the horrible scorching hot sun shining like nobody's business.
and and this guy was telling us bout this 3D course and stuff. and he asked us what course we're interested in.
so i said, psychology. AND he literally gasped out loud. :0
yeah i know madness. think the cop's like 9 or smth?! BUT STILL, DONT UNDERESTIMATE ):<
bio test was, no comments. i was panicking cause i didnt know how to do alot of qns and only have very little time left.
until i looked around me and saw like 4/5 of the class sleeping. OMG. haha so obviously i didnt bother to finish cause i dont know (curses bio).
dude, only 5 ppl passed in my class! are we good or what? :/
angklung-ed for awhile after sch. and lido-ed. saw nazreen's cousin who's like, this girl i added on friendster and also my friend's friend. its such a small world after all.

wed;
OH GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED ON THIS DAY. LIKE SERIOUSLY. (anyone care to remind me?)

tues;
agn, my memory's blank bout what happened.
could only rmb getting back emath test before, 'thanks' to mdm loke.
and damn i was damn disappointed, i felt like jumping from the library 2nd floor to the first. (okay kidding)
but really stupid, i cant get over it. cause like, i put, 180-50=120. O.M.G.
because of that i got the whole qn wrong (five marks man) damn shitxzx i tell you.
tea party after that. was not bad HEH.
we did taridra and im a happy kid once again. i love taridraaaaaa <3 HEHE
and gosh, me and khalie suddenly got so high and started screaming, only to realise the rest of the pat was kinda quiet. so embarrassing. :/
all in all, it wasnt that bad.
and as usual, hunter and squirrel game got me clumsy all over again and laughing my head off.
awesome. have i told you i love pbmc to bits and pieces and lines and dots? ((:

oh, there was this accident at the road right outside my house the other day and it woke me up :0
when i see accidents now, im still freaked after that accident, though it has been yrs now. so traumatizingggggg )):
and have i ever said, im scared to look out the windows at night.
if i have to close the windows or anth i would close my eyes. seriously.
the forest still gives me the creeps after all these yrs. yikes.

plus i think im really turning into a nerd.
the thought of shopping dont get me all hyped up and excited anymore.
and i would rather spend my time doing nerdy stuff than to relax.
oh nooo i dont wanna turn into a nerd.
but i know im not the only one, cause alot of the sec4s alr are. HA HA HA

oooh and the other day. i came across my sis's notebook and so i just looked through it for fun. nth much personal. and and i saw this part where she put her ambition is to be a psychologist. COOL SHIT. i nvr knew that yknow. i thought all along she wanted to be like anth that has to do with designing and stuff (her art's gooood) and awww i just feel touched, to know we both have the same ambition. ((:

also, i've been collecting alot of lollipops from mrs chua lately. haha i keep saying i'll save it till i really need it. but its gaining weight on my pocket )):
still, mrs chua is damn awesome. feeds us with lollipops and sweets and give us sugar rush :D amazing, she's damn nice dude.

OOH listen up ppl. my phone's too screwed to be true. so sorry! for the mean time i cant receive or send any smses )):
BUT God's cool, he knows how to make me manage with 500 sms per month now (;

AND AND hanisah's pleased to inform you that hanisah has involuntary got for herself a weekend job :D
amazing stuff, really. though the pay's obviously not much and i dont find a need for the extra cash. but still, its good ((:
for now, shall remain a secret as to what it is HEH HEH

OMG i realised how long this post is. whoever who actually read up to this very word must be amazing and have strong eyes and willpower man (LOLLL)
hahah hello world! bye world! :DD

HANISAH=NO LIFE

-Pink&Black

APPLES!
4:59 AM

Thursday, January 17, 2008

just a moment ago, i thought that everything's fine.
i thought that my life's fine.
but i figured out, not so.
i wanted to do some proper blogging today.
but not today, not today.
some other day.
i ought to go somewhere far far away and find some peace.
do some soul-searching.
and let these caught up tears out.
just let everything out.
maybe soon, maybe soon.
feelings too insecure.
i dont wanna have another mental breakdown.
so much for being strong.
sometimes, it gets too hard to fight against the current.
cause they say, even the best swimmers drown.

-Pink&Black

cause you seem almost perfect to me;
so flawless, so flawless.
laughing to myself like a fool.
knowing you're so near yet so far.
maybe im a fool, i am a fool.

APPLES!
6:38 AM

Monday, January 14, 2008

eh wth how come i still find got some ppl terase one, bout the close passage thing in one of my previous posts. cause yes Siti, i doubt you got everything right anws. cause like you said, i can be very random and unexpected. some of the ppl mentioned are not even in crescent excuse me. :/
and obviously, its a totally diff topic from what's bothering me now. TSKKKK this world is so hard to understand.

APPLES!
7:05 AM

lessons this yr pass by so quickly, seriously like in a blink of an eye.
considering the fact that we end at 3.15 everyday except for tues.
plus, i dont/cant sleep in class no matter how tired or exhausted i am.
i wonder if im really turning into a nerd :0

and im still very upset over the loss of my beloved new best friend.
where are you friend? i cant live without you, you know ):
you help me see, you're my second eye. awwww come back please my friend. lessons are bad without you around )):
and i dunno how long i'll take to find myself an exact replacement of you.
(but it really kills okay. like how this morn we had mly and i cant see from the back. so i sat right at the front and the words were still blur SIGH) my degree's gonna jump like crazy this way man.

so distracted during chem.
cant stop thinking bout lithium (yes, both meanings)
was singing lithium throughout the whole of chem just now.
cause, mrs chia was talking bout those metal stuff and she talked about lithium.
so the four of us started singing again. sometime during el i think yupp.
explains the heavy sudden downpour that happened when we had angklung :0

andand we have a new instructor for angklung.
still think asmah rocks like no other )):
gahh stupid. anws, i have a new name for my beloved F alr.
its called ****** TEEHEEHEE! (omg i sound so flirtish!)
kidding, your pokes make me high HEHE
and i was lying when i said i dont like you to ever call me sayang agn, HOW CAN YOU NOT EVEN SEE IT TSKKKKK )):
-Pink&Black

APPLES!
6:11 AM

Saturday, January 12, 2008

i know, lately i feel really bothered and distracted very easily.
the reason why, i still cant get to sleep now. i feel like, there are some things which i just feel like i should put down here. ALL THESE WILL BE JUST RANDOM RANTINGS DONT BOTHER TO READ :/

okay, like firstly. how i was telling this person why everyone's trying to make this world such a screweddddd place when everyone can just live happily ever after. & yes, we all know that happily ever afters dont exist.
it doesnt exist in our minds, but it does in our hearts. like come on, dont tell me you NEVER wished for a perfect ending to smth? not necessarily in your love life or anth, but yeah. things that happen in your life. anw, thats not my point. MY POINT IS i dont get whats up with this world now. noone can deny that its getting screwed up day by day. and like many others out there, i have my own story to share:

it happened not long ago, i was still young. young and naive. young and foolish. a part of me still feel ashamed whenever this issue is raised or when i have to recall it. but its a miracle, and a great stepping stone for me.
it happened, around two years ago. my life was such a simple one. i didnt know much. i think i just took everything for granted, really. i had wonderful friends, happy family. then came one day, where i ruined my own life, and when i said ruin, i really mean it.
i felt like this world was against me. mum blames me alot for being 'used' and being too naive and foolish. i lived in denial. i know, the sudden outburst at that time must've shocked the whole class (im sorry gee1 <3)
i strained my friendship with my closest/best friends. feelings insincere; i blamed them for everything. i showed them resentment, hatred, hurt. i didnt know, i thought that would solve everything. still, a very stupid thing to do. my world then just fell apart like a story from a disastrous fairytale. i was left all alone; they hated me. i isolated myself from everyone, everyone. its not that i dont know that everyone was talking bout me behind my back, i just refused to listen. i didnt know that such a small mistake done, cost me everything. that period of time, i could never describe. i felt so lonely and cold, and it sticks to me like a super glue. i walked around school with my head down, too scared and ashamed to look up. everything bout school was so hurtful. how much i hated recesses, lunches, CCA etc
& things at home didnt get any better too. relationships strained. how much i hated my parents at that time. cause they dont seem to see what they were doing. i know, i should like burn in hell or smth for this. but nobody knows, how much it hurts, when you have noone else to turn to, and your family's just against you. i was so used to the idea of constant beatings and slaps. like its nth.
that was the most depressing time ever. i had noone, noone heard me. i was so cold and numb, too numb to even think properly i guess.
shameful, but i practiced self-mutilation at that time.
i know, might be a surprising thing to many out there. but of course, its a great regret. parents found out, they hated me more for that. at that time, i really really felt like an outcast in this world. i hated it.
THEN CAME A MIRACLE.
i found, not one, but 4 wonderful angels. i really believe they're god sent. to help me, to guide me back to the right path. trust me, i nvr had such a pure friendship before.
they were there, they were suddenly there, like a rainbow of hope on a rainy day.
at that time, i alr tripped and fell, and i gave up trying to pick myself up.
i gave up studying, i gave up loving, i gave up caring. cause i just gave up on everything. grades plunged down like crap obviously.
but they were there for me. they nvr judge me, they nvr said that im wrong.
instead, they slowly picked me up from where i fell, showed me that this world has a greater meaning than what i used to see.
i nvr have friends who motivate me so much. my grades were still not that good, but i made improvements.
they taught me how to love again, how to cherish life to its fullest. they guide me like how angels do.
they've taught me almost everything i can think of, so much that i think i'll take forever if i were to pen it down.
that, was the turning point in my life. i can feel myself becoming a totally diff person.
i appreciated everything, everything.
thanks JOYCE, SUM, AMANDA, ZAN <3333
words cant describe enough how much i love you guys, how much you guys mean to me.
you guys were there for me through it all, through thick and thin.
noone rocked better than you guys, i swear <3

so that, was the greatest miracle that God has sent to me.
of course he had given me many others.

okay, i didnt write that whole long-winded story to like wallow in self-pity or whatsoever but i really hope it'll be a learning point for ppl out there. cause if there is anyone out there who's expereincing what i did, i want them to know that there's hope, there always will be. and i dont want them to make the same mistakes as i did. if you believe in God, he will believe in you. trust me. God did what he did to let you learn, cause like they said, learning it the hard way is always the best. he wanted to challenge me, to see how far i can go, to make this as a stepping stone and a major lesson to me. i know he did this because he loves me, i really do know this. and of course, for sending those angels in disguise to me.
cause if not for everything that happened, i wouldnt be who i am now, what i am now. believe, just believe.
and now, i cant fight back these tears anymore.
not tears of pain or regret, tears of bliss.

i wanted to write bout another topic up here but my heart's aching badly now. shall do it another time. rmb my story, and learn from it. cause deep inside, i love each and every one of you to bits and pieces and lines and dots and atoms and molecules (loll my fav sec2 line). nights/morning

-Pink&Black

APPLES!
9:27 AM

Smile

Sometimes i sit at home and wonder how it be if he had loved me, truely loved me
yes, i learned awhile ago that kind of thing, it never happens for me,
and so i go around and just pretend love is not for me
i play the circus clown around my friends make them laugh and they wont see
That you never let them see you sweat, dont want them to think the pain runs deep,
Lord know its killing me
[Chorus:]
So i put on my make up put a smile on my face and if anyone ask me everything is ok
im laughing cause no one knows the joke is on me
cause im dying inside with my pride and a smile on my face...on my face singing,
la la la, la la, lalala, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la la

Sometimes i sit at home by the phone hoping he might call me, but he dont call me
but then i realize dreams come true arent for girls like me, not like me, and so i go around with my head up like it aint no thing and when the boys around with all my friends im into other things
cause you never let them see you sweat dont want them to think the pain runs deep,
lord knows its killing me
[Chorus:]
So i put on my make up put a smile on my face and if anyone ask me everything is ok
im laughing cause no one knows the joke is on me
cause im dyin inside with my pride and a smile on my face...on my face oooh

Its not easy (thing to do)
sometimes its hard to (face the truth)
its not the life that i would choose but what else can i do if he dont love me
no if he dont want me im not about to sit around let myself go (gooooo)
[Chorus:]
So i put on my make up put a smile on my face and if anyone ask me everything is ok
im laughing cuz no one knows the joke is on me cause im dying inside with my pride and a smile on my face...on my face
singing, la la la, la la, lalala, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la la
i'll keep singing la la la la la, lalala, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la la
i'll keep singing la la la, la la, lalala, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la la
i'll keep singing la la la-la la la, lalala, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la, la la la

i know, she goes la la la too much, but still, awesome. esp the chorus. song of the week, no doubt.

i know my resolution was to blog only twice per week but GAH.
there's some things that we must like, let out yknow. and of course, being the last yr in crescent (SOBS) i want to rmb every single memory possible. everyone knows my memory's horrid.

yest was basically okay. fact that we had all our sciences and maths on that day doesnt help. really.
emath test was so bleh. (i realised so far everyone from every level felt they screwed it up. DUH MATH WHAT) i secretly popped half a small candy cane (!!) into my mouth cause i was alr getting super sleepy. amath, me raihan and nadiah actually ran (again) to the lang lab. lol hilarious man. but worth the effort! hee hee i love my amath/emath partners :D
el was r-e-t-a-r-d-e-d. now all of us can speak properly (perawperlee) LOL
anws, bio was full of random stuff. ohoh! did i mention chem was so cool yes yes. hahah. cause we did some experiments and me and rachel were like ooh-ing and aah-ing at the results. hahah so pretty ((:
andand mrs chia(?) showed us this cool thing. its like, she showed us this thing where the flames are green and purplish. (like hp movie!!) damn damn cool i must try to love chem more now :D

after sch was CCA day. my 4th and last one ahhhhh so fast.
anws, it was basically going round, promoting angklung and collecting souveniers from other booths loll. alot of stoning and emo-ing.
dian and i had the same exact sentiments: the sweet thing or wtv its called tastes weird yet addictive. (:
we(khalie, attiqah, me) cabbed with ms asmah to town! thanks so much! (ok, she probably wont read this) plus plus taxi fares are ridiculously expensive these days. tskk. happy collecting demerits to me ):
out after that to ps!! was awesome ((: watched Le Grand Chef (((:
quite a nice show, i must say. storyline is okay i guess.
but the awesome thing bout the movie, it can make me cry so bad at one moment and laugh so hard the next. and SHIT i cried a few times )):
supper after that under the stars (awwww!) but i felt like puking.
plus i was alr walking around with my eyes half closed. seriously.
starbucks after that and chatted for so long didnt realise time passed by so quickly :0
reached home five mins before midnight. AMAZING. :/

so today!
had emath in the morn and i was 'early'. late by ten mins la but raihan and siti were later. nine thirty! hahah.
oooh yeahh mrs tang says im mentally strong :DD
cause i did emath qns for 2 and a half hrs STRAIGHT. haha must be enthu for o's you know!
went to sp open house after that. waited for ain and sharah at dover mrt for a whole 40 mins but it was nice (HAHAHEHEHOHO)
the open house was okay i guess. free ice cream! haha ain's so cute.
went home earlier than we aimed to. like OMG for the first time ever :0 (yeah duh, the place was quite boring)
there's this awesome new course that i will definitely wanna put as one of my choices if i were to go to poly: applied drama and psychology(?). damn cool, damn cool.
but but me and raihan concluded at the end of the day: POLY LIFE IS NOT FOR US.
cause err yeah we felt so left out and alien just now. yikes!

okay this is such a long post. wth hanisah, wth. (you're so long winded)
ok im off to do more math! (OMGG THE BAD INFLUENCE FROM THE MATH TEACHERS!!)

-Pink&Black

APPLES!
12:17 AM

Thursday, January 10, 2008

so, here i am blogging away when my emath test is tmr :/
partly because i did all i can do, and not the exact qns coming out anyway. so yeah. (feel like i have alot to update)

so anws tues was good, as usual, since the past 3 yrs. farewell assembly was awesome cause some of the s3-ians got to pin the badge for some sec1s. and they're a weird/nice bunch ((:
had first csp class too, hahah the sec2s are weird/funny.
&& our first topic was actually bout O's :/
conclusion of the day: jnrs are weird. LOL

i dont rmb anth nice happening yest (bad memory) so shall skip.

today! yes yes. the day when i realised, my fav muffin of all time, actually has APRICOT and raisins topping. HAHAH. all along i thought it was just some weird tasting apples. (sheeesh cant blame me the dried ones taste diff)
pe was hilarious shit. hahaha i spent 3/4 of my time laughing away with/at Constance and being all so hyper. and the same for the 1/4 of the rest of the time with Beatrice. awesome (:

mly was seriously funny too. i laughed so hard, but hanna's the best. i've nvr seen her laugh so much and so hard at the same time. LOL

had amath after that. OMG malu-ed ourselves like shitttttttt :/
hahaha cause we totally forgot tt we had to go to class for test and not the lang lab. so we actually RAN from the mly room to the class (yes embarrassingly) and were so high/hyper (cause if early, we can get lollipops from ms chua and eat them in class! LOLL). then sab nc told me she saw my bio book! like finallyyyyyyy i was so certain i lost it somewhere (oh fyi i still cant find my specs! )): ) but searched the whole room tgt with cikgu rina and raihan but still cant find. shitttt )): but she said its still there anw. then, finally realised its not there and so went back to class, and we're one of the last TSKKKKKKKKKKK!

bio spa was totally amazing (oh my what a contradiction!)
3 periods flew by just like that. oh and wanna know why it was raining so damn badly just now? cause me, raihan, siti and amira were singing non stop to any nice song we can think of. then the rain got heavier, and heavier and heavier. LOLL hahahah!

had hmt agn last and i started being cranky/moody/emotional all the way. angklung somehow pisses me off badly just now.
and we found the new record holder for girl with shortest skirt in school (2008) WOW :/
went taka after that for awhile while those ppl get their pretzels and was talking bout alot of random stuff otw home.
oh, i was telling nazreen bout it and she was like,
"you mean ------- that nerd?! you mean my mortal??"
(i said some other stuff here...)
"what last time only? she's still a nerd now!"
HAHAH her replies were so jihwg7d8fw64f728!

then had some really nice talk in the train. esp with kamalia and siti in the lrt. hmm looks like im not the only one who thinks that way. like there are many others too who think that way too yknow. it feels better. but sad.

Cloze Passage
I dont know why nowadays everyone is chasing for _________. its so annoying and disturbing, not to mention sad. its happening so much around me now that i feel quite upset about this whole issue. like how we feel that ______ were not like how they used to be anymore. and how they think that being a ______ makes them ____. its the attitude dude. like how some people like _______ and _________ seemed to have changed so much, not like the people we used to know. you then try to be friendly to everyone but whats the use, cause like they said, if you want too much, you'll always end up with nothing. yes, nothing. lies and backstabbing wont be an unusual thing anymore no? like how ______ told _____ bout that thing. and how ____ always try to bring me down. what happened to all those friendships so true? like when you know that your secrets will be safe and secure with your friend? like when you know your friend wont judge you no matter what? like when you know you can confide in them bout anth and everything in the world? like the trust, thats long gone.
it kinda hurts quite bad, cause i've seen ppl around me fall. not one or two, many and many of them. i guess i've fallen, but not in a way i thought i would. like how there is/was this period of time where i ______ this person whom i call ____ _____ _____/_______. then it kinda struck me, how fast this world is moving.
this world, is such an upsetting place to live in now. whats becoming of the world, whats becoming of the world. (my fav sentence of the day)

dont terase eh, any of you who's reading this. if you do then...berambos sua. (not suak or wtv okay. hoho)
tmr's fri=SUCKS
but there's movie date tmr after cca fair HEE HEE :D im exciteddddddd!
okay im off now. im in the poem-y mood now.

-Pink&Black

APPLES!
6:08 AM

Monday, January 07, 2008

i was looking through the docs in my tablet and i found alot of stuff. EVERYTHING since sec one.
i found this story, which i wrote back in sec1. well, i realised now that the story that i wrote was actually what happened in my real life back then. but unfortunately, i stopped at this part where there's a lot of suspense and yes i forgot what its about now ahhh. but still, cool shit man ((:

and i found manymanymany poems that i wrote last time. ahh sad i dont have much time to do so now. and well, some i got from books. lawl.
anws here's some that i think are really awesome:

If there were no more libraries,
Teachers couldn't give book reports.
If there were no more book reports,
Teachers would have less to read.
If teachers had less to read,
They would be more relaxed.
If they were more relaxed,
There would be more time to hang out.
If there were more time to hang out,
Students would feel less stressed.
If students felt less stressed,
They would have more time to read.
If they had more time to read,
There would have to be
Many more libraries.

this one i got from a book. loll so cute right! hahah i found it funny.

If I were good in English,
I'd composed graceful sonnets for you.
If I were good in French,
I'd whisper romantic words of love.
If I were good in math,
I'd figure out how to inscribe you into my circle.
And if I were good in gym,
I'd run a marathon to get close to you.
But the most important subject is chemistry,
The chemistry that quickly produces
Boiling, bubbling reactions, hot to the touch.
When you meet someone, see her face,
You know in five seconds
Whether there will be a chemical bonding.
When I met you for the first time,
When I saw your face for the first time.
All academic thoughts escaped me, but one.
I could only think of the chemistry between us,
The mixing of our essential elements,
Resulting in a nuclear explosion of love.
-
There is no room to dance.
There is no room to spin.
The bright strobe lights at night
Cannot illuminate the grays of my days.
The pressure to perform
Adds so much weight to my feet
That I am unable to leap into my own life.
My dance instructor
Choreographs my steps so precisely,
I don't have the freedom
To figure out the steps
I must take for myself.
It is time, perhaps,
To look upward,
To dance without fear.
To dance without stopping
At the bar of heaven's gates.

i still think this one's the best for me ((:
i guess the rest shall be uploaded at my poem blog then.

plus, my pri3 sis is gonna take up chi as her 3rd lang or smth. like omg, cool or what. she's only like p3 dude. i started only when i was like 13? great now i can have a chi speaking family ((:

andand fuck it, im feeling very angsty now. esp cause i dunno where the fuck my specs are. and its like only 4 days since i had it? cause i realised last fri it was lost. and my mum's gonna kill me if she finds out. OR i really think she purposely took it to see if im owning up that i 'lost' it or see if im just plain careless. TSKKKKKKKK how fucking annoying you tell me. and i really hate being half blind, esp for lessons cause i have to heavily depend on my partner. aww my poor partner. but still TSKKK. anyone who sees it, pls pls return it to me k? im really dying w/o it (ok exaggerated) oh. its pink and a bit of blue btw. in a grey casing.
ok bye im gonna stop before i get more angsty. GAHHHH.
i promised you so many things. its a vow, i'll nvr break. dont worry, come what may, i wont let you get hurt. but fuck ittt, i dont know how to even protect you properly. FUCK ME.
oh btw i forgot to add agn. my phone's fucking spoilt and retarded i dont recieve 3/4 of my msgs. so ppl, if anth really die die impt and i dont reply, pls do call me up yah. and and my contract has expired last month i think. so now i can only send 500 msgs per month WTF how to live like that. mum cheated me and keep giving me false hopes on getting new line tskkk. but whatever, she doesnt even care now if my smses exceed ((:

-Pink&Black

APPLES!
4:42 AM

Saturday, January 05, 2008

"Love is selfish. That is exactly how our loved ones will feel cherished."

yest was definitely a day/night that i will never forget.
ignore the fact that i was pms-ing in the afternoon because of certain reasons (which fyi i still cant get over)
campfire was the bestt.
angklung of course rocked to the coreeee.
i felt really bouncy and high (lol)
hahah, cause first, siti pointed out to me that Jolene aka Mad Hatter has been in front of me all along, and i started grinning like mad.
THEN, i saw lydia yap :D hahah she looks so goddamnit pretty now. i started being high.
and NEXT, i saw farrahhhhhhhh :DDD after like, almost a yr. GOSH.
i was alr hyperventilating by then.
didnt know seeing ex-ecs can make you feel so goood ((;
and yeah, they had 1g1 cheer too. didnt win first, got second but its still gooood ((: im so proud of all the g1 generation (:
after the whole thing, towards the ending, had a mini g1 '05 gathering, tgt with g1 '06, 2g1 and 1g1. was damn awezzzzzzome i tell you.
it just felt totally great, undescribable.
then we, the g1 '05 ppl, did our sec1 cheer and i swear, i've never cheered with so much enthusiasm ever and i nvr cheered so loud before. i was practically screaming my lungs out.
this, i'll nvr forget. i nvr felt so close to them before ever since we parted.
and man, we all started hugging each other after that and well, we cant help crying. so damn emotional.
ok fine i shall not talk bout it. i dont wanna be sad. i shall be happy with all those memories.
back home with kamalia, met siti at the lrt station (:

oh, did i tell you. fridays are FREAKING AWESOME days (note the sarcasm)
like, we have all our 3 sciences on that day, plus emath and amath. oh my, the friday blues. the only good thing is - ((:
and bio, freaking horrible teacher. she made 6/7 of the class stand just cause we dont have our notes. like wth, in the first place, we dont even understand, what more listen to that emzyne teacher (bio second teacher)

and today, had lesson (emath and amath) from 9 till 12 plus :/
i was so early for once LOLL but nevertheless, it was good.
caught some sleep while waiting for mr lee to teach amira (yea, she came at 11.55 when lessons were to end at 12)
planned to go home and go out till night to study and complete hmwk/study.
BUT ahahah we all overslept till like 5 plus plus it was raining.

i shall make next week and awesome weeeek i dont care :D
shall NOT let anth bug me ((:
-
nothing's fine, im torn.
im all out of faith; this is how i feel.
im cold and im ashamed,
lying naked on the floor.
illusion never change into something real.
im wide awake and i can see the perfect sky is torn.
you're a little late, im already torn.

exactly how i feel. so true.

i bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me.
there's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree.
i bruise easily, cant scratch the surface without moving me underneath.
i bruise easily, i bruise easily.

yeah, i bruise easily, too easily. im sensitive, cant help it no?

I HAVE TO REDO BOTH MY LIT ESSAYS AND ALSO REDO MY EL ESSAY. WTH IM PISSED/MAD/ANNOYED/FRUSTRATED.
like...i took so long to do both, ahh im so dejected ):
(p.s. im still very pissed over the same issue. i just cant let go. GRRR)

cause you cant bring me down anymore.
J'ai peur.

-Pink&Black

APPLES!
5:07 AM

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

so well, today didnt exactly start off with a blast. was later than planned. and went first w/o amira cause she's late (LOL)
mr m's our new form :/
and mr tan's our co form.
well, the class just feels damn weird.
in fact, i was saying everything just feels so weird. indescribable. ahh.
then had bio spa right after recess. ://
loll but it was sure fun with the EMZYNE woman around. HAHAHA!
had ss after that. lunched. then pure lit. after which had emath, in which mdm/ms (??) diana tang took 45 mins just to get this msg across :MATH IS IMPT.
had angklung after that. and YAYYYYYYYY nazreen's in angklung! AWESOME :D
ok then headed home after that.

okay, i seriously feel like giving up now. its like everyone has grabbed all the poles in sight. and its just me, standing in the middle of nowhere, with the knowledge that im gonna fall anytime soon. knowing that i dont know anyone around me and that i cant do anything. just fall and well, get crushed by the human stampede.
well thats how cruel life is. this world itself is cruel.
im clueless, i dont know what to do.
i wanna cry out to this world, let everyone know how unfair this world is.
i wanna jump down a cliff and feel the great sensation of splashing into the water, hoepfully to come back up alive.
i still cant get over how cruel life is.
its bothering me like shit, but its okay, there's always the positive side to look at ((:

my dad went mysteriously missing from the house without his phone. and we found out he went jogging when he came back. loll, at night. why do i have such weird parents.
&&mona's coming to sch tmr ((:
hahaha i swear she's cute, really. but nah, no ec anymore heehaw :D

(you dont have to read from here. cause its just full of mindless rantings)
okay, i really cant help it now. its just one of those days in which you feel like you really need to vent everything out, vent out all your feelings, but you just cant seem to put everything into words.
and i feel like i owe everyone smth yknow, tt kinda feeling. yeah.
i just cant help it that i feel that way. i know, i suck when it comes to controlling my emotions. i can be laughing so hard at one time and crying so badly at the other. i cant help it that i keep everything inside my heart. cause i feel better keeping everything to myself. at least i know the world wont discriminate against me or judge against me.
i cant help it when nature takes its course too right?
but i MUST get rid of all these baggage. o's coming, i really cant afford to let anth get into my way.
being seen as the so called best ones among my relatives and cousins and families and neighbours blablabla i cant afford to let anyone down. not even myself. i dont want ppl to start judging all over agn.
well, i know i can do it. and i know perfectly well that all these emotional baggage somehow affects me too. but well, things are not that easy to handle yknow? i have a love-hate relationship with my heart.
see, i mean it when i told you that i suck when it comes to matters of the heart.
i purposely avoided looking at you. cause you dont know how much it hurts MYSELF when i do so. how much my heart cries bitterly when i do. no, not cause of you. its just me. im sorry. its like, you symbolize smth much more than who you are, than what i see and what i know. but i just cant decipher what. yeah, i admit. i suck as a pure lit student. well, lit was nvr this complicated anyway.

只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天
睡著的大提琴
安靜的舊舊的
我想你已表現的非常明白
我懂我也知道
你沒有捨不得
你說你也會難過我不相信
牽著你陪著我也只是曾經
希望他是真的比我還要愛你
我才會逼自己離開

你要我說多難堪
我根本不想分開
為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過?
我沒有這種天份
包容你也接受他
不用擔心的太多
我會一直好好過
你已經遠遠離開
我也會慢慢走開
為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
我真的沒有天份
安靜的沒這麼快
我會學著放棄你
是因為我太愛你

-Pink&Black

APPLES!
4:51 AM

welcome

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